For all those tying knots :) - Love or Arrange?

After a long long time back to scribblin :)

Which is better - love marriage or arrange? This is unanswered for ages, we have our own views and cases around us. I was pondering over the issue for sometime as most of my friends are either married or tying the knot soon. I realized the answers were there but they just had to be extracted.

The view is too narrow while getting into the relationship and excitement of the moment makes you forget everything but a thought “I like/love him/her”. How many couples don’t fight after a few months of excitement and start having problems?

When two people come closer initially; assumingly based on physical attraction, they feel the click; and if the interests are similar, you like to spend more time with the person. If you further get the compatibility in thought and hygiene factors, you achieve a perfect recipe for love. I’ve not seen examples with these ingredients failing unless something grossly goes wrong.

However, the usual misnomer – love marriages fail is sure a half baked recipe lacking one or more ingredients mentioned earlier. Do we ever ask if it was meant to work? Were all the ingredients there in right proportion? Did we really have an acid test? Did we do something out of duty and not enjoyment?

A classic example which I’ve seen in many couples is that where two people get attracted to each other and start spending time. The attraction takes them to two, three, fourth month of the relationship till they are ready to sacrifice or compromise their self for the other person. However, as soon as the spark of the attraction faces the grunt of either compatibility and/or respect, soon as a result of the conflict - the fights become frequent; late night talks usually have complains than complements; ‘why did you’ starts taking place of ‘it’s ok, no worries’; excitement becomes a duty for one person while the other keeps over powering before the bubble bursts one day and the evergreen four words are spoken: ‘It can’t work anymore’.

Do love marriages really fail? Or we aren’t able to understand love in the first place? Theoretically for me, love is an apt formulation of particles of physical attraction, compatibility and respect. It’s always the similar which attracts and complementary (usually mistaken for opposite) which sails a relationship through. If we’ve the right ingredients in place the relationships will become stories and real love marriages will not fail but an attraction led relationship will always have its doom looking from the third eye.

So the ingredients are important to make the perfect dish. Since you get know a person better in a love relationship than meeting someone for an arrange setup, the probability of wrong judgment reduces in cases where you know the person before hand and have been into a relationship with the person to know them better, but you gotta be wise enough to read between the lines carefully and not flow with the excitement. So those relationships which sail through around us sure would have these ingredients irrespective of their platform of being arranged or love.

Cheers!

City of 3'BEES (Bikes, Beauty and Botany)

Pune, a city of 3 B’EES’ - Bikes, Beauties and Botany. It was my first trip the to the beautiful city. The good luck stayed aloof till the time I visited the Good Luck Restaurant at the F C Road.

The trip started with a bus ride through the flora rich Mumbai-Pune express highway. The four tunnels on the way were akin to those on a military route in J&K. Passing through Lonavala with a spell of rain under the sky in blue-black color is indeed one of the beautiful gifts by nature. The bus ride ended at Parihar Chowk @ 5.45 pm and made foundation for unimaginable things to come during the weekend.

City ride opened the gateway with the center point of attraction Vaishali at F C Road. It was more fun to be waiting for a seat outside and watch, the grace of God on earth, women with an average +2 in looks and +2 inches in height than eating the popular dosa’s with sambar. Venkey’s ever so mouth watering grilled chicken rapped nicely with sprinkles of oil hugged the jaws and teeth nicely.

As they say ‘all the good things come to an end’ but never knew it comes to end so early. The Pandora box opened the next day at RDeccan Cinema. I asked at the box office for 3 tickets of SAT 4.30 PM SHOW of Rajneeti. We (Ranjeet, Abhijit n I) sat on G3, G4 and G5 and watched a vicco vajardanti trailer which was awfully disturbed by a gentleman with a ticket stamped with seat G3 on it. In between the conversation, a couple jumped in claiming the other two seat which after matching the tickets made us realize that I had got tickets for the SUNDAY 4.30 show. We further got snapped by subsequent failure at two cinemas – first, there were 3 tickets available for 4 people, to top up , in different rows and second - when I reached the window counter just to be informed that all tickets have been sold but one.

The stones begin rolling after a scrambled egg on toast and flagship bun omelet at Good Luck Restaurant. In camp, the over-selling chicken rolls at Marz-o-rin put me in awe of the pune-ites coz of their ability to visit the chicken factory at will and then 4 studs (Ranjeet, Abhijit, Vivek Singhania and I) walking on the road holding JOCKEY (purchased in sale) carry bags and then landing in a traditional Maharastrian restautant which served peetla, amtibhath, bhakri etc and four devils galloping the aam pana which ended up in a spoon fight and late night drive through the famous Chandni chowk and NDA road followed by best cold coffee on earth at Durga.

Next day came with ‘Prince of Persia’ at Esquare and two defeats at the hands of Vivek Singhania in two frames of pool. Death by Chocolate at Polcodots further improved the expectations of the taste buds. (Vikrant, Saylee, Ranjeet, Vivek, Abhijit n I)

The life time experience turned awesome when a BMW 7 series was waiting with only ONE seat vacant @ only 400 rs. from Pune to Mumbai Int. Airport. Passing through tunnels @ 140 kmph overtaking AUDI Q7 was combined by pleasure of observing the serene scenery of God at Lonavala.

It was an experience to cherish and motivation for some more trips to the land of 3’BEES.

P.S Unedited version coz of lack of time at office :P njoi readin!

RESERVED FOR LADIES

Dedicated to Women

This one is a heavy dose and a cult for me.

‘Reserved for Ladies’

This was the signboard which made me go deep into thought and frown over a lot (of things). For me, Women is the most sacred after God on earth but they are always been pushed down.

Express it or not but women have always been considered as epitome of ‘homemaker’ and still the best chefs have all been men; not because no woman could do it but they were not allowed to do it.

Why always the ‘Best Actor - Male’ is announced as the ultimate category and ‘Best Actor – Female’ as the penultimate. Leading women are always represented for adding glamour more than strong performances in movies.

In the professional arena, I have never heard of Glass Ceiling for men. And yet people with persona of MRS. Indra Nooyi come over the suppression and scatters their charisma all over and become precedence for better governance, admirable management and managing work-life balance (MRS.).

The point is - they are made to succumb under the pressure of unfair expectations, responsibility and society not out of choice but invariably because of the upbringing and deep rooted differentiation between a guy and a gal.

Although, the scenario has changed considerably but has only been able to remove the tip of an iceberg; there is a need to stop being judgmental and it starts with very small issues including preconceived notions that men are better drivers.

The biggest irony of life is the expectations a girl has to shoulder when she gets married. It is the woman - who has to adjust; it is her – who should understand; it is her – who should listen; it is her – who should take care of the guy and his family. To my logic – she should be the most pampered one – as she has left the bond from her parents; she should be the one to be taken care of – as she has trusted you after her family for the rest of her life; she should be understood – as she is the one who has understood the ritual of leaving her parents and unconditionally move in to your house.

I was searching for a topic to write a blog and my muma called and see women is the source of all inspirations and she has all the solutions to ANY problem.

Cheers!

The Pillar and Foundation of a Relationship

A discussion is termed healthy when it has outcomes. A result of a healthy discussion, over the most contentious topic one can write upon, made me scribble this.

A relationship in modern world can have two objectives either out of LOVE or CONVENIENCE. Convenience can be explained as being intelligent, compatible, rich etc, which makes life easy for the other. These are the two aspects from which life, relationships, expectations, emotions generate.

This is similar to a situation of an eclipse where one object covers another. However, either object (love or convenience) can overshadow the other up to full eclipse. Unfortunately, there is paucity of light in full eclipse, which is the light to sustain and groom a relationship.

Another analogy of this is the foundation and pillar relationship where LOVE (pillar) and CONVENIENCE(foundation) coexist. For the pillar(love) to be durable, you need the foundation (convenience) to be strong.

As they say the first love stays forever, probably is derived from the state where only LOVE exists. Where there is no shadow of eclipse and the pillar of LOVE stands without the foundation (convenience) like the blaze of love without an eclipse. Unfortunately, most often than not the pillar (love) is not able to sustain without the foundation (convenience) and the blaze causes inflammation.

As we grow old, we keep reminding ourselves of the pillar (love) falling apart and the blaze causin inflammation. This makes one move on the path of laying a strong foundation of CONVENIENCE which eclipses love. This phase is often termed as being practical and growing mature in life. But as we realize later a foundation (convenience) without pillar (love) is as ineffective as sun without light.

Some of the wrong inferences usually taken from a relationship are i) that of generalizing LOVE an equal of the mistakes committed (which can either be due to incompatibility with partneror incorrect judgment about a person). ii) that of blocking oneself from the option of building a pillar or falling in love.

The need of the hour is to stand a balance with a companion of the same wavelength who understands the other, supports when needed and expects when desired. A someone, who becomes a kid when you are alone and who can hold your hands when you want to be alone.

A sensuous business meet

A week back I happened to attend a business meeting on tour with a lady. However, the appeal of a person after applying all the cosmetically possible options is the point of focus here. She was clad in a traditional salwar-kameez of white & mustard color respectively. It was however a part of the initial spectacle only as I was already sitting on the 4 seater wooden table at barista. However, it is considered indecent to screen a person while sitting despite of the urge to see if the mirrors on the suit have been given a chance to enhance the cosmetic on the full dress.

Further into the conversation, as it was my meeting invite, I asked her 'what would you like to have?' (the positioning by barista for business class defeats the purpose by making it self service makes me perplexed) and she asked for a (professional) cappuccino (Rs 50 arnd) and I ordered a peach smoothie (Rs 70 arnd). While paying the bill for the business meeting made me felt as a good employee concentrating on cost cutting. I passed her the cappuccino and a thought came across as I placed my smoothie on the table- Is a peach smoothie not so professional drink? Is it a bit soft on a business meeting? Does it really matter?

Anyways, the cosmetic world made me divert attention from the puzzled smoothie on a business date. The part of the human body which more often than not makes people judge a person, the face, didn’t allow me to judge but just to puzzle in the world of imagination again with 4 silver nose pins – 2 on either sides covering just above the nostrils, two red shining earrings in diamond cut.

The other cosmetic item which made me its fan since that day is the lip gloss. She wore a heavy lip gloss assumingly applied in ladies washroom in the same mall considering the freshness. Every time she sipped the cappuccino, the froth covered the shiny lip gloss and looked like an amazing combination on the upper lip. The four second break taken before every pitch she made included putting the right hair curl around the ear; a small breath making the nostrils, covered by the silver nose pins, expand and contract; licking the froth from half of the upper lip and adjusting the bangles. It just made me keep appreciating the the gloss and the silver nose pins, bangles and other accessories throughout the single converted dual objective meeting.

The meeting ended with ‘it was nice meeting you’ notes and plastic (cosmetic) smiles. There were some other aspects of the meeting as well which are irrelevant to the blog like her peripheral approach ranging from being more interested in x-mas eve and new year plans to belonging to banglore and not liking the city where we had the meeting and ignoring the other gentlemen (her colleague who joined after 30 first 30 minutes) who I wanted to involve in the conversation but her successful attempt of ignoring him forced me not to ask him for a coffee duly supported by the proud of being an honest employee following cost-cutting measures for the company.

However, being on a business date and thankfully, being good at multi-tasking, all the important aspects of the meeting were noted and were reported accurately to the management.


Cheers!

Inequalities of Income and Inequality in Attitude

Even before the advent of currency and the term 'Inequality of income', inequality existed. Inequality existed not only in income but attitude as well. The only thing constant is the change in Attitude and its impact on widening the inequality gap.

We’ve learnt about the lessons of inequality of income which is required but deterrent if the gap increases. The economic concentration of income, however, isn’t that deterrent when compared to the inequality in attitude.

We say a lot about our sleazy system which is not able to take remedial measures to reduce the widening gap of income which leads to disharmony, crime and acts as a hindrance to the economic growth. But do we actually do our bit as responsible citizens and considerate human beings?

Let me just explain the thesis with some situations we come across in our daily lives.

How many times have you purchased bottled water or any other eatable from any eating joint/restaurant/movie theatre at a price higher than the MRP (max retail price inclusive of taxes)?
Leave aside this, how many times have you ever cared to check the MRP? According to the rules, no item can be sold at a price higher than the MRP. But due to great ambience and your ATTITUDE (when in nice places), we don’t care.

We’re ready to pay a premium of a considerable sum when we board pre-paid taxi’s or any other Airport transfer but we fight we taxi/rickshaw walas when they ask for a premium when we want to make it a prefix amount and argue a lot.

How many times did you ask a coolie on a railway station to charge less?

How many times did you consider Rs 10 enough on a bill of Rs. 700-1000? But now with NICE restaurant charging a service charge of 7-10% (apart from usual VAT/service tax), we’re fine with it.

How many times did you bargain with the hawker on the road saying ‘ah..it’s too much’ but don’t hesitate a wee bit when it comes to a shopper’s stop/archies or any other NICE shop to spend a premium when you know it isn’t worth that much?

Some of the cited examples may not be right (legal), however, if we think from the other perspective we may find it rationale enough.

A rickshaw wala makes Rs 200-300 on a daily basis after struggling under the scorch heat and some beating from the local police. So it sums to 6000 if they work all 30 days. They don’t get paid as us on weekends.

A waiter gets Rs. 2000-3000 in these decent restaurants after working for 12 hrs with 1-2 leaves a month.

A coolie lifts tons of cumulative weight over a day and earns a little. You may find a Rs 100 very high but the low frequency of trains and the money they have to give to so called thekedars is very high.

A hawker in train or road does not earn more than Rs. 100 after a sales stint of 12-14 hrs.

It is not that we’re not ready to spend the money as stated earlier. We do overpay in places where we shouldn’t despite the fact there is already enough money going in. But we are just like our lazy and sleazy government when it comes to making some contribution towards reducing the inequality or if it’s an overdose, may be making it a happy day for people with low income levels.

So next time when you are requested/demanded for a premium in a not so hi-fi space please don’t hesitate. You will make a day for some one in need.

Cheers!

26/11 HUE AND CRY, a point of view...

This is not to harm anyone’s feelings, sentiments or beliefs but just a point of view…

I just don't have anything to do. Whichever news channel I turn to, there are candles, people interviewing, being interviewed, clapping, wearing bands, showing pictures of people who died, the smoke coming out of the hotel. The only inference is more business for candle vendors, news channels getting more ads, sponsorship, and another masala for two days to sustain the 24 hour repetitive representation of same old wine in different packages.

There are a few perspectives for me of 26/11:

The afterhrs of DNA yesterday featured Ashish Choudhary, an actor who lost his sis and bro-in-law last year. He is finding it difficult to cultivate the seeds of LIFE in two little children who lost their parents. The trauma is such that he had to take off from his schedule and their process of getting back to basics in order to make sure that the children are not exposed to the wounds again.

Aren’t we the same Indians who throw litter in open subsequently making out country beautiful? And of course this being no exception, the wax left over will add to municipal corporation extra day of work and the left over will form a part of huge chunk of unattended debris.

The news channels are making immense and so are the telephone companies by continuously making everyone text a plentiful stuff as a part of homage to the brave soldiers of this country. Those who died were certainly brave to encounter the terrorists and detractors who are trying to fracture the democratic spine of the country.

For engineers – here is some cause and effect.

For managers – here is some cost and benefit.

For commerce guys – some debits and credits


Cause/Cost/Benefit:

Waste of money on candles, money to telecom companies, another Diwali day for new channels and of course, lot of litter.

Effect, Benefit/Credits:

More work for municipal corps, opening wounds of sufferers, notes like these because of no TV.


I am not against the remembrance of the braves and the victims but the process:


We should be a part of the process in voting in order to select the deserving candidates. For those who crib, there is NO ONE GOOD, be the change.

The idea initiative to pay all its revenue generated between 8.36 pm to 9.36 pm for improved arms for forces. For those who only believe that good things should be one sided and should not benefit the donor, please rethink. Idea would definitely get the publicity but at the end, armed forces are getting more funding (a win-win).

Forming a society to help the families who lost their dear ones, even a contribution equal to the cost of candles wasted today will do wonders for many, add to it the cost of texting. At least a million fed.

The intention of all the loving Indians are duly respected but the way of expression may deserve a rethink!